Four Lies About Anger
being angry! Turn from your rage!
not lose your temper- it only leads to harm.
Anger is a normal
part of being a human being but
it can be a dangerous emotion and has the potential to wreck our
and our lives.
Here are the four most common lies about anger.
When I feel angry, I must let it all
much damage has been
done to people we love by blurting out angry feelings in the moment of
greatest intensity. Doing this might provide some sort of relief but it
never beneficial to the hearer or the relationship.
I liken it to vomiting.
You do feel better getting it out, but
belongs in the toilet, not on another person.
Reckless words pierce like a sword and Proverbs 29:11 warns us that,
fool gives full vent to his anger.”
ways to get some
relief from intense anger is to journal or pray your honest emotions to
God. In the process, you might find some
perspective on what to do with them and how to express them
Other people or
provoking situations make me angry.
all believe this lie at
times. We say things like, “You make me so mad!” or “If you wouldn’t
that, then I wouldn’t have reacted that way.”
people or situations don’t MAKE us
angry, although they do tempt us. What really happens when we encounter
kinds of people is that they expose us. Jesus tells us, “It is out of the overflow of your heart, your mouth speaks.” (Luke
comes up and out of your mouth when you
are angry exposes what’s in your heart. Often our heart is filled with
self-centered lies or desires.
Start to listen to your internal self-talk
when you feel angry. For example, “I can’t believe this is happening to
“it’s not fair, why me?” or “I need to teach him/her a lesson” or “they
get away with this.”
of blaming others or the situation
we’re in, we can start to understand
what the real problem is that’s causing our anger to escalate. Our own
can work to calm ourselves down (with
different self talk and God’s Word) instead of demanding that life
our way or that everyone do what we want or make us feel better.
I’m entitled to use my anger to get what I
want if what I want is a good thing.
motivates us and helps us to speak up
against wrong, as well as take action to fight against injustice and
our world. Because it is such a powerful force however, the apostle
us not to sin in our anger (Ephesians 4:26).
of the time what we want is permeated
with self-centered desires. We WANT our way. We want to be right. We
want to be
first, or catered to. We want our needs met. And
we’re angry because we’re not
getting what we want.
4:1 asks us what is the source of
quarrels and conflicts among us? He says
it comes because we’re not getting what we want.
of spiritual maturity is to learn to accept
that we don’t always get what we want, even if what we want is a good
thing. Living peaceably with other
people involves realizing that what I want and what someone else might
be very different. The Bible tells us not to merely look out for our
interests (what we want), but also the interests of others.
truth is anger is a powerful emotion that
deceives us into using it to demand our own way.
always had a bad temper and this is just the way I
am. I can’t change.
good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ
is that he not only redeems us but he restores us. He changes us.
If you want to get a handle on
anger is not the problem you must address. Your temper is a symptom of
going on in your heart. If you gain self-control over your temper
but the deeper problem that causes your
anger is what needs to change.
Romans 8:5 says, “Those who live
the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but
who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the
How we act and live flows from
what is in our
heart – what we desire or want the most. God wants to rearrange the
our heart so that we no longer want our own way the MOST, but rather we
please him and love him and others.
When God changes our heart it’s
not that we
never get angry, but we no longer want to
use our anger as a weapon to demand our own way, prove our point or
everyone knows we’re right. We don’t want
to hold onto grudges, nurse resentment or harbor bitterness in our
Instead we want to forgive and reconcile.
When Jesus changes our heart,
instead of only
wanting MY way, I want to look out
for the interests of others because I care about them and therefore I
anger in check when I’m not getting what I want and weigh that with
other’s might want or need.
had a change of heart and I no
longer see myself as the most
important person. I am no longer at the center of my life, Jesus is.
Becoming more and more like Jesus
is not just
trying to do the right thing, but wanting
to do the right thing and then learning how.
James tells us to be quick to
listen, slow to
speak and slow to become angry, for a man’s anger (or a woman’s anger)
produce the righteous life that God desires. (James1:19,20)
more practical help to live a godly life,
see my book, How
to Live Right When Your
Life Goes Wrong. There
is now available a companion study guide and leaders
guide for group study.
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